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Lincoln's Gettysburg address is one of
the greatest speeches ever made, yet it contained fewer than 300
words. Good writing is concise and to the point The fewer words
you use, the more likely your message will be understood.
Why would you want to use 10 words, when five
words will get your message across? There seems to be a
misconception that business writing needs to be formal sounding.
People want to use fancy language to impress the reader. But in
actuality, you are going to get the opposite effect. Wordiness is
not only irritating to the reader, it is confusing and your
message gets lost.
Redundancies
Are you guilty of using too many words in your writing?
Sometimes, redundancies are easily spotted, and at other times,
you really have to look hard to find them because redundancies are
common in the spoken English language. Take a look at the
following two sentences:
"Elisa realized the possible potential that foreign imports
had on her country’s economy."
"Jonathan also included a $25,000 expenditure on the Humane
Society Proposition."
Can you identify the redundancies? In the first sentence,
eliminate “possible” and “foreign.” In the second sentence,
eliminate expenditure. Instead say, “Jonathan also included
$25,000 for the Humane Society Proposition.”
See how well you do on these sentences:
(1) "It is absolutely necessary for all employees to refer back
to our
procurement manual when writing purchase orders."
(2) "If at all possible, our end-of-year annual report needs to
be mailed out
by June 15, 2003."
(3) "Past history has shown us that advance warning is
necessary."
(4) "It was an unexpected surprise to find out that the true
facts were
included in the article."
(5) "Mr. Edwards did not hesitate to give his personal opinion
to the
reporter."
Here are the redundancies: (1) absolutely,
back,
(2) at all, end-of-year,
(3) past advance,
(4) unexpected, true,
(5) personal
Opening Fillers
You can also reduce wordiness by carefully
constructing the beginning of your sentences. Try not to use the
phrases “there is” or “it is” to start a sentence. These words are
commonly referred to as fillers because they don’t add meaning to
the sentence. Starting your sentence without a filler creates a
more powerful and concise sentence. Look at the fillers in these
sentences:
"There are four different proposals I want you to review
before our next meeting."
"It is company policy that prevents us from contributing to
political campaigns."
With a few changes, these sentences become more
efficient
"Please review these four proposals before our
next meeting."
"Company policy prevents us from contributing to
political campaigns."
Your writing is easier to read and understand
if you eliminate words that may be familiar phrases, but just clog
up the sentence. Some of these empty words and phrases include:
case, degree, the fact that, factor, instance, nature, and
quality. Take a look at the following sentences:
"Because of the degree of classroom
participation the school will win the contest."
"Except for the instance of Microsoft, tech
stocks lost 30 percent or more in the last quarter."
"The dealership’s cars are noted for being
excellent in quality."
Eliminating the empty words from the sentences
improves readability:
"Because of classroom participation, the school
will win the contest."
"Except for Microsoft, tech stocks lost 30
percent or more in the last quarter."
"The dealership’s cars are noted for being
excellent."
Removing Nouns
Your message can become confused and lengthy when you use a
wordy noun phrase instead of a verb. Instead of saying “give
consideration to”, say “consider.” By doing this, you will reduce
the number of words in your sentence, and convey a direct message
that is easier to understand. Here is a list of some common noun
phrases and the verb replacements:
| Make a discovery of |
discover |
| Perform an analysis of |
analyze |
| Take action on act |
act |
| Create a reduction in |
reduce |
| Engage in preparation |
prepare |
Compound Prepositions
It is easy to replace compound prepositions with single words by
simply asking yourself, “Would I talk like this?" Most
people don’t use these wordy phrases when speaking, so it is easy
to identify them in your writing.
For example, would you ever say “due to the
fact that” or "subsequent to?” No, you would say “because” and
“after.” Here are some more examples of wordiness caused by
compound prepositions and the shorter form:
| Despite the fact |
although |
| For the amount of |
for |
| The manner in which |
how |
| Until such time as |
until |
| At a later date |
later |
Trite Business Phrases
Clichés and trite expressions are perhaps the most overused
expressions in business writing. These tired expressions make you
look like a very dull writer. Most people use them because
everyone else does and it’s easier than trying to think up an
original way of expressing yourself. So you say “please do not
hesitate to” instead of just simply saying “please.” You say
“enclosed please find” instead of saying “enclosed is.” Here are
some more examples of trite phrases and the corrected version:
| Every effort will be made |
We’ll try |
| Thank you in advance |
Thank you |
| Under separate cover |
separately |
| With reference to |
about |
| Pursuant to your request |
At your request |
Inflated Words
For some crazy reason, writers often try to use long words
that have many syllables instead of shorter words that are easier
to understand. This makes it very difficult for the reader to
comprehend your message for two reasons: (1) Many readers “sub-vocalize” as they read
and sound out the words in their head. The longer the words, the slower the reader
moves along. (2) The longer the word, the more likely the
reader will not recognize it.
Most people are used to reading simple, common words, When you
have to read a message using a dictionary, it becomes frustrating
and many readers just give up. Here is a list of multi-syllable
words and shorter words that have the same meaning:
| Frequently |
often |
| Subsequent |
future |
| Characteristic |
trait |
| Requirement |
need |
| Approximately |
about |
| Fundamental |
basic |
| Reiterate |
repeat |
Learn to identify the wordiness in your
writing and you will see a dramatic improvement in your
communication.
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Contact Michelle Howe
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to let Internet Word Magic™ be your writing partner. |
This article reprinted from the Riverside Business Journal
Serving Riverside County's Small Business Community
4129 Main St., Riverside, CA 92501
(909) 784-0111
Tuesday, February 25, 2003 |
